Dear Old Friend

Dear old friend,

I think about you a lot. As I go about my day I think about how something might make you laugh or say aloud an inside joke that no one understands. I smile as I remember a fond memory. But then I go about my day.

At night is when I think about trying to reach out to you again. About what I should have said or what I should say to try to understand why we are no longer close. I come up with scripts in my head about a letter I should write you or a voice mail I should leave, so you know how much I miss you.

Sometimes I get angry. Why did this friendship not last forever like I was sure it would? What did I ever do to be treated this way? How could you just leave me alone? Do you even care how I am? I ask myself these questions over and over. I get mad.

Then I think. I think that you must not have done this to hurt me; sometimes people just drift apart. That you probably think about me sometimes too. That perhaps, sometimes you smile at an old memory we share. Gut bursting laughter in the sunshine of summer. I smile too.

Just so you know, I am hurt that we are no longer friends. I am sad we dont share new memories. But, I am wishing you happiness in your new life, whatever may be happening in it and whatever new memories you may be making. I hope that you smile more than frown, laugh more than cry and wake up every day happy with the life choices you have made.

I wish we had closure, I wish I knew why we aren't friends anymore, but I know that I never will. Moving on is so hard.

I miss you, Old friend. I'll cheer you on from the sidelines.